I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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