He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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