Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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