a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
