ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
