He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
