I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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