My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
