If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
