all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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