I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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