i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
