in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
