She's JV to your varsity
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
