Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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