I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
