his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
