I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
