I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
