we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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