Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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