"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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