dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
