I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
