please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
