id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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