i just google imaged poop.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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