one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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