Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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