We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
