u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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