he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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