Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Let's get the cat blown out
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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