You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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