if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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