fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
