Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
