Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
