yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
