I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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