she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
