I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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