Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
