I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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