I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
