She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
