He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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