I accidentally had phone sex last night
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
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life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
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Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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