alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
that may or may not have been my penis.
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