Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
