so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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