shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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