her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
