so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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