I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
