you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
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