Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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