I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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