He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
