You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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