Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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