Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
