she's into porn, im staying here tonight
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
