i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
