Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
