did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
