I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
