Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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