Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
