are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
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Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize