Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
