Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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