dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
