we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
