She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize