I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
