there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
