If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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