I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
