it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
